Tuesday, January 1, 2019

And out of the darkness, I crawl info the light

The hiatus I have been taking from my little section of the interwebs has been far too long.  Once this was a space for me to find joy, connect, and share my life. I have rekindled the fire to take the steps to get back on the path once again.

Life comes with many paths to be taken.  Do you go left, right, forward, or backward? Each one with unknown destinations yet all somewhat scary. At some points, you are walking along what appears to be a beautiful path of everything you could have imagined and then there is a fall, stumble, or slight little trip.

For a nice period of time, the path I was walking along was beautiful, grand, and filled with excitement.  Then it happened.  The crumbling below my feet.  The hard fall into the state of darkness.  All the bumps as I fell hurt and pulled at various portions of my overall being that I could not understand, only then as the bottom approached to be awakened to a state of darkness.  In the darkness, time seems to hang in the air, the emotional pain ceases to exist, and there is a state of contentment almost a deep sleep.  Yet this contentment really is a hallucination.  The pain, emotions, and life continued around me without me even being conscious of the fact.   The darkness in my eyes and mind was peaceful, comforting, and very welcoming.  I settled.  Then proceeded to accept the fate: this dark cave is a welcome home.   One though cannot exist within the darkness forever....life must move forward.  The path I was on had to continue.  As the darkness can be thick, sometimes one needs other humans whose hearts and states of being are still intact to reach out and pull you slowly from the darkness and into the light.

And as I saw the light, there was an understanding that it was needed.  There was much more beyond the cave of the darkness.  I begin to climb.  The climb is not short by any means, as the rediscovery of yourself and who you were begins.  Who you were...who you were is what caused the fall.  One can not look back only progress forward to invent themselves once again.   I stared at the blank walls along the path...they are mine to be filled.  The realization the people who are around you, the helpers.  Always look for the helpers. The helpers by your side stand with you, nurture you progress with you, do not judge, and only aid you as you walk thru the shimmery, hazy light.  I began to feel again.  There are downs as one processes the feelings from the darkness; soon though there is a stability. The canyon walls have been painted with the past hurt. There is also guidance painted on the walls from others on how to progress forward from the crevices of the canyon. I wandered through the crevices of the canyon learning who I can be, who I can become. The haze began to lift as I emerged from the canyon.  Now standing in the sunshine of the openness with much to explore and numerous possibilties ahead of me.

A beautiful meadow of possibilities, paths and places to explore.  The courage has returned and I begin to wander amongst the beauty of the meadow and start to plant my own seeds for my future path.  This meadow of mine shall be called Wisconsin Wilds.

Please wander with me as I experience all it has to offer and the discoveries along the way.

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